The 'D' word:
Call it the rain filled Winter?
Call it the never ending family sicknesses?
Call it the massive gaps in sleep?
The family circumstances?
Bit of a bump in the road?
Or, all of the above?
I am not too sure.
This is a word that I do not throw around lightly. I know there are a load of people who suffer from depression regularly, badly or their whole lives and I know it is obviously the real deal. I also know however that the word depression does get used a lot and in some cases overused. I have not looked into it at all in my life or given it a second thought other than a few friends and family of mine who suffered from it. It was not really in my mental dictionary.
I have an 'otter' personality. You can look yours up on this personality site- there are heaps of others and ones where you can do a test, bu this outlines the basics.
I am otter who tries (because of circumstances being a mother and a wife) to take on the beaver traits- often failing as this does not come naturally.
As for most otters, we have amazing highs and low-lows. We ride life like a wave but we are easily switched out of a low or down from a high. We are passionate. We can be quite emotional. Therefore, knowing my personality, I can read when the tide changes and I know it is this and it will soon pass.
What about then when I can't switch it off for once?
When nothing actually breaks this low into a high, or even to a neutral state?
Things seem boring, tiring, depressing and bla...
Over winter, thanks to all the above circumstances I found myself in a (dare I say it?) depression.
Or, one tired otter!
I said to hubby one day, "I'm not sure what is going on right now, but I think I may be depressed!?"
A foreign concept for me....
So here I sit, thinking as I write these words it will help more and to also point out that life isn't always a high, just like the county side there are hills, valleys, caves and fences. We all get a turn in one of these areas at some stage and I guess the important thing is how we get ourselves out to carry on our walk over the hills.
Pulling back a bit has helped as we have always kept busy, too much at times.
Focusing on who and what I love, taking a short trip away to find my individuality again, especially as a mum and doing some re-focusing.
Who am "I"?
What do "I" like doing?
What do "I" want to do when my label isn't purely just "mummy"?
What do "I" actually think about that issue?
Even though these questions stemmed from a little low point,
I am enjoying this time to think, learn and grow in myself...
There, it is out there... now I need to change the word depressed to "down".
Sounds better ;)